As the narcissistic parent tries to erase the child's self, the child is often naively convinced the self who is attacked actually deserves it. Young-Bruehl makes a poignant point about the cases of abuse she has worked with clinically, many of which involve sexual and physical abuse. Narcissistically inscribed children readily sympathize with their parents' psychic injury. They can tell the details of their parent's painful past with such keen awareness that they "never miss a crumb of information that will explain the wounds their parents have sustained.
The parental narcissist is seeking compensation for damage they feel has been done to them, for the abuse or neglect that stems from their own childhood. The child is called upon to give the "parental" love and attention that their parent s did not receive in their own upbringing. There is thus a role reversal in these familial structures. Abusers expect their children to parent them. In this way, the child- caretaker interaction, of traumatizing need and demand, operates across multiple generations.
Young-Bruehl elaborates this "transgenerational transmission" from parent to child to her -- as the therapist hearing and bearing witness to some distressing histories. Her clients, like David Copperfield, are struggling to be the hero of their own story. Using a psychoanalytic method of listening to her patients, the author always returns to the vital importance of hearing a child's experience from a child's viewpoint. She searches for the core of the individual, which has been distorted through traumatic experience. This emerging core, vague as it may be, is the central focus of her mind -- held in safe keeping for the patient to whom it is mostly lost.
The idea is to listen well and avoid imposing on the client a concept of what they should be. Young-Bruehl describes a therapeutic process based in love and respect for the individual's path of growth. Do you have a dream for yourself? Childism presents extensive analysis of American prejudice against children, its underlying psychological motivations and historical context. The book argues this anti-child trend gained momentum during Ronald Reagan's presidency with deregulation of the economy, which correlated with global increase in child poverty, child labor and sexual trafficking.
These same attitudes rose steadily during the Clinton years and intensified dramatically during the George W. One of the clearest signs of the American attack on future generations is the burden progeny will bear of shouldering our national debt. Then there is the degradation of our environment, what Young-Bruehl calls the "shared household of the earth," that our descendents will inherit. Her thesis is that America lags behind the rest of the global community in its care for children.
Repairing the damage requires initiatives that include a new Comprehensive Child Development Act the last one was vetoed by Nixon in , U. I was a trophy child to both of my narcissistic parents. My siblings didn't succeed as much as I did in school and I was cuter a girl and more obedient than my older brothers. My little sister was totally unwanted. I tried so hard not to make my children in to trophies, but probably hurt them by setting "the bar" quite low for them as far as what I expected them to accomplish in life.
I wanted them to feel loved more than anything. The DO love me however. I don't think either of my parents knew what love was and we, their children, struggle to understand what love is. I just wanted to add that another symptom of the nation of narcissist parents is the freak-show of "parents of the autism epidemic" who went totally ballistic when they discovered that they had children who were disabled and wouldn't be attending Harvard or become the next media-prostituted Hollywood Lolita.
They gathered together and tried to pull down the whole nation's public health-care system by destroying confidence in the vaccine program. They were like paranoid psychotics accusing the "evil" government of stealing their children's brains via vaccines.
When really it was just about these thoroughly "entitled" parents' egos. These same parents hideously tormented their children with outlandish "cures" in an effort to make them, not only normal, but into the "super children" these parents were "entitled" to have, and killed and maimed some children in the process. Just in case this is helpful. Do you know if you are being controlled by a Narcissist? This is the first time I have read about parents discussing their abuse with their children and how it creates the narcissistic tornado.
My mother and father both described horrible abuse to me. They had no empathy for me at all. I developed a "fat, tough, funny" persona so they would not abuse me for being "selfish". I spent hours thinking about their issues and problems. I found your piece to have a slightly anti-republican bent. Consider the points made about Democrats and narcissism in the linked article below. Do not think that this subject can be either Democrat or Republican, it is about Human Nature and how we are as a person, an individual. We are not born Democrat or Republican now are we?
You lost me at your analogy: Genetics, chromosomal differences, brain-functioning abnormalities were not addressed in this article; yet we know that they are a major contributing factor. Not at all just an "American" problem and certainly not a recent problem. Did you ever wonder about the meaning of Humpty Dumpty? A mere cautionary tale for naughty children? And with the execution of Charles 1. After a number of setbacks he retired to a gloomy room where he remained immobile for hours under the delusional conviction that he was made of glass and might break if moved about….
The glass delusion then became rather fashionable and for the next two hundred years it slowly gained popularity, becoming more and more common until the s,.
Can there really be fads in madness? Was the glass delusion a way of faithful if misguided subjects identifying with their leader to the point of sharing his affliction? Or were both king and commoner suffering from some dark zeitgeist of the times? The glass delusion is much less popular than it was.
Without the specific delusion of being actually made of glass, a person is no longer schizophrenic but might still be dissociated to the point of warranting a diagnosis of Multiple Personality Disorder or Schizo-affective Disorder, both of which are rather confusing terms because what the MPD really needs is loads more different aspects of himself and for them to hang out together, instead of being bounced between one limiting corner of his psyche at a time, wherein he can only have restricted engagement with self and others.
I have the best, but there is no better word than stupid.
An egg can symbolize the wholeness of inner unity, but it also represents having all your eggs in one basket, that being-on-the-edge-of-disaster and flying by the seat of your pants which constitutes having just a very few timeworn if familiar faces to show an infinitely more complex and demanding world. And that was when he was in a good mood.
If women have to identify with their masculinity to keep abreast of men then their mothering function will collectively suffer. The horror of what is unfolding has to be projected. Mother cannot be the recipient because it is from her that this toxic dilemma has come. So the child hives off the trauma into the future where it can be kept at arms length. Unfortunately, the Humpty gambit has small print. You may not have to experience your fragility till tomorrow but the bow wave of it will produce paranoia today.
Paranoia is the implicit recognition that the resources you have to manage current situations are somehow incomplete and that you can not function optimally in your environment. So it seems as if the world is full of frustrating forces trying to drag you down with only a brittle shell to prevent you getting scrambled. If such dilemmas remained the preserve of weird historical figures it would not be so scary. The story of Charles V1 and his long legacy of fellow glass citizens suggests that such things not only tumble through generations. From the trauma people have experienced under the Trump administration to the cult-like characteristics of his followers, he has created unprecedented mental health consequences across our nation and beyond.
He symbolizes the entitlement, the belligerence and the dissocciated fragility of Western superiority itself. After he is gone, we will still have to address the narcissistic shadow of the culture that spawned him within the inner recesses of our own souls. Sometimes it means taking your vulnerability seriously, the needs of an alienated soul, the cry of an inner child. People say that talking to yourself is the first sign of madness. Quite the opposite is true.
Having an internal dialogue, being able to consider and reflect, to weigh an argument, to look at life from different points of view, all this is actually a sign of maturity. Sometimes slips of the tongue, moments of renegade clarity, compel truths to be blurted out loud that would not be otherwise heard. Sometimes what needs to be heard has to become concretised in a neurosis to get attention. Further deafness to the Psyche then defers what needs to be heard to the Body, which has further interesting ways of making us listen, replete with poetic symptoms and curious illnesses.
And then there are the whispers to be heard from beyond the halls of all our personal stuff, sublime moments when the veil is lifted a little, when worlds may not so much line up as collide, leaving you to make meaning in their wake. I was once playing cards when I was a youngster. Just for fun I cut the deck and showed my mates the face card without looking at it myself. They all fell about because it was. I played a lot of cards over the next forty years and could never pass up the opportunity to try and find the Two of Diamonds again, perhaps reasoning that the odds would eventually be on my side.
Mates would groan at my tiresome and eternally failed showmanship. I began to feel resentful towards the now elusive Two of Diamonds. The honeymoon period was definitely over. By mid-life I was ready for a separation from this ever with-holding Harpie though I stood her for another decade before deciding it was all over. I was going to transfer my affections to the three of Spades. So, I cut the deck and for the first time in forty years turned up.. If you could pack such events into a dream, what would they mean? What would the Universe be trying to tell you?
One of the things I used to tell myself when I was young was that I would grow old gracefully, that I would relinquish my youth without a fuss. Unfortunately, its also in the way of tides to ebb. Individuation demands of us that we separate ourselves from the collective soup with all its delicious croutons if we are to make a fist of becoming.
When the feelings of being bereft reach a certain pitch, the Universe has a way of placing some context on the situation, like a comforting Momma who can even make a grazed knee or a bee sting seem better just by giving it a little attention.
As though we were the only life in the equation or somehow stopped at our skin. Synchronicities occur to divest us of this illusion. The continuity of Self and Other is momentarily laid bare.
What we encounter out in the world is sometimes ourselves. And it can happen without consultation or consent.. She will not be ambushed or put on show. The power does not belong to you. A worthy servant does not make a fair master. Find comfort in how little you know….
The King of Egypt lies dying. His daughter, the Princess Jasmina, is desperate to find a cure for her beloved father. She has swan suits made to fly across the Great Sea with her two step sisters to the faraway North, to the land of the Marsh King where a sacred healing flower grows…. Just to see what they were up to. Back in Africa, the step-sisters tell the Egyptian court that Princess Jasmina was shot by a hunter and killed.
They claim her swan suit was all they could save, followed by an elaborate story as to the vengeance they supposedly extracted from said hunter and how they burned him in his shack in the woods…. Papa-Stork listened, incredulous at the barefaced lies being told. His earlier whim to simply keep an eye on things now forged into determined resolve, a sudden feeling that his honor is at stake.
Every year thereafter he managed to carry the heavy suits some part way of the migratory route back to the Viking Marsh thinking that the Princess might need them if he ever found her. Year after year he faithfully criss-crossed the Marsh during the summer months looking for any sign of Jasmina. His wife berated him for ignoring his chores and taking so much time away from family life but Papa-Stork endured, fired by the injustices perpetrated against the noble Princess.
Stork-Papa takes her to a Viking Mother from whence come our tales of storks delivering babies who is delighted, though slightly perplexed, since her beautiful but tempestuous child turns into a frog as soon as the sun is set….
She is in you and you in Her. Consequently, as adults they gravitate towards familiar characters and repeat the dis functional family dynamics in their next family nucleus. Our nation is a politically and economically dominant force. He might even have told some pork pies. The difference may be that we in this current generation and in America, pretend that we care. The law of the Great Mother is what we call Conscience.
It seems that a curse had been placed upon the child, Helga. She frees him from captivity though he is killed as they make their escape. She mourns him all night, hidden in a tree.
In the early dawn she digs his grave. When she speaks sacred words and makes a holy sign over him, her frog skin falls from her. Her grief for the young man is so great that his spirit appears and magically returns her to the Marsh from which she first emerged, where her mother Jasmina and Stork-Papa are waiting..
The two swan suits fit mother and daughter perfectly and so at long last they fly back to Egypt. Helga herself is the healing flower needed and her grandfather the King returns to full health as soon as she embraces him.
And so they all lived happily ever after. Except the step-sisters who were indicted for corruption, lying to the government, criminal conspiracy, money laundering and sent to the pen for a long stretch…. What does it mean psychologically to marry the Marsh King? Being swallowed up by the Marsh King is an involuntary descent into the Unconscious. This is represented by the eventual birth of Helga who, despite feeling cursed, still manages to contain the opposites in herself and finally manages to mourn the death of the christian priest in a directly feeling way, honoring him with sacred gestures.
This is the Principle of Relatedness in action. She is made whole by being letting herself need and grieve, by use of ritual gesture and the holy names reserved for things of ultimate value. The smaller Australopithicines seem to have banded together as never before, as a direct result of the threat of East Rudolph Man, evolving gesture, language, and kinship bonds that more than made up for any apparent shortcomings.. Provided circumstances are not entirely destructive they can evoke from us strengths, values, and dedication to common purpose we may not have otherwise known lay within, urgently quickened to life by Adversity.
So if you are ever disposed to write yourself an enemies list, you might like to consider the possibility that it could assume a life of its own, grow by itself, that folk may elect to add their own names, and that this shared spirit of defiance creates the very bipartisan solidarity required to end the tyranny of its author. What does it mean to be truly human? Downgrading the sentience of any Other means we lose more than our connection to and care for them.
We erode our own internal cohesion as well. The capacity for reflection is diminished. When we diminish the Other we become less able to enjoy and be emotionally nourished by them. We become less able to respond, to be responsible. We become less affected by loss.
It too is degraded from the noble Grief of Bonds Broken to corrective medication for anxiety and depression. One of the reasons we can get so close to animals is that language is often garnish to tone and gesture, where the main body of communication resides, in which many creatures are already fluent, notwithstanding the human capacity to identify with species that can personify both our instinctuality and higher wisdom, sometimes bringing extraordinary benefits to the humans in the frame.
My old dog Noyle had a most unusual gift. He would go and sit quietly next to anyone who was emotionally upset. He was quite unobtrusive in his attention and would sit at an angle so as not to be impolite, though once in a while would catch your eye to let you know he was still there. It was as though he just soaked them all up. So anger never lingered, hurt got directly attended, sadness was just allowed and moods dispelled. When my son was twelve he was taken away by authorities whose expert opinion it was that a man could not raise a child.
One night I was weeping in bed. Noyle was sat beside me holding his habitual vigil for anyone in pain. All of a sudden it seemed that a voice rose up in the darkness, not from Noyle himself exactly, but from the space between us, some well pool of Being that contained us both,.. Now, ten years later, the boy is a man and the old dog lies dead.
According to Alan Downs, corporate narcissism occurs when a narcissist becomes the chief executive officer CEO or other leadership roles within the senior management team and gathers an adequate mix of codependents around him or her to support the narcissistic behavior. Narcissists profess company loyalty but are only really committed to their own agendas, thus organizational decisions are founded on the narcissist's own interests rather than the interests of the organization as a whole, the various stakeholders, or the society in which the organization operates.
Neville Symington has suggested that "one of the ways of differentiating a good-enough organisation from one that is pathological is through its ability to exclude narcissistic characters from key posts. Lubit compared healthily narcissistic managers versus destructively narcissistic managers for their long-term impact on organizations. From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Kets de Vries Narcissism in the workplace Narcissistic rage and narcissistic injury Queen bee syndrome Toxic leader Toxic workplace Workplace bullying.
The Dark Side of Management. Schriesheim, The Dark Side of Management p. The incredible pros, the inevitable cons. Harvard Business Review, January—February , pp.